Many families find comfort in writing to the people their loved one helped, and making the decision to reach out to your loved one’s recipients is a very personal decision. Below are some frequently asked questions about the correspondence process. If you have a question that is not answered here, or if you would like to discuss anything in more detail, please reach out to our Aftercare team at (303) 370-2737 or familysupport@donoralliance.org.
Do I have to wait for my loved one’s recipients to write me first?
If your loved one donated organs (heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, pancreas), you may write to the organ recipient(s) first and at any time.
If your loved one donated tissues (bone, soft tissue, heart valves, veins, skin grafts), the tissue recipient(s) must write to you first. Donor Alliance is not provided with specific tissue recipient information, which means we do not have a way of sending a letter to a tissue recipient unless they reach out first.
If you are unsure which gifts your loved one donated, please contact us at (303) 370-2737 or familysupport@donoralliance.org.
Do I have to wait a certain length of time to write to my loved one’s organ recipients?
No, there is no period of time that is too soon or too late to begin corresponding with organ recipients. Only you can know when the time is right, and you may write a letter if and whenever you feel ready.
Are there any risks or concerns in communicating with recipients?
In our experience, the vast majority of donor families and recipients find it meaningful to correspond and connect with one another. However, we want to provide some considerations to help prepare you for possibilities that may be distressing or difficult.
- Recipients need an organ transplant because they are very ill. As a result, there is always a possibility that a recipient may become ill again or experience rejection of the organ, either of which could lead to their death. The death of a recipient may cause significant distress for a donor family, and they may feel like they are experiencing another loss.
- Donor families and recipients may find that differences in backgrounds, values, and beliefs can present a challenge.
- Donor families and recipients may find that one party desires more contact than the other, which can lead to feelings of hurt and discomfort.
What should I write in my letter?
You can write about anything you feel comfortable sharing. The letter can be as long or short as you like, or you can even send a greeting card. For ideas and suggestions of what to write, please visit Suggestions for What to Include in Your Letter.
Is there anything I should avoiding saying?
In order to maintain confidentiality, please do not include identifying information like last names or contact information. For more details, please visit Suggestions for What to Include in Your Letter.
What happens after I send my letter?
Once Donor Alliance receives your letter, it is reviewed and forwarded to the hospital where the recipient received their transplant. The transplant hospital will then forward your letter to the recipient. These steps are taken to ensure the privacy of both parties, and exchanging letters often takes many weeks. If we are unable to forward your letter for any reason, we will let you know.
How will I know that my letter has been received and forwarded?
If you submit your letter using our online form, we will send you a confirmation email letting you know that your letter was received. If you submit your letter by mail, we will mail you a confirmation postcard to let you know that your letter was received. If we are not able to forward your letter for any reason, we will let you know.
Will the recipients write to me?
You may or may not receive a letter from your loved one’s recipient(s), and we urge you to be prepared for either outcome. Just as it is your choice to correspond with a recipient, it is also the recipient’s choice whether or not to send a letter. Some recipients may not write due to challenging recovery periods, while others are overwhelmed with complex emotions and find it difficult to express their feelings and gratitude. Some recipients want their privacy, and some may simply need more time. Silence from a recipient in no way diminishes their gratefulness for the gift they were given, and in no way lessens the lifesaving impact that your loved one had on them.
Will I ever be able to meet or communicate directly with my loved one’s recipients?
All correspondence between donor families and recipients is anonymous until/unless both parties decide that they would like to share contact information and communicate directly. If both parties are interested in communicating directly, Donor Alliance will help facilitate this. In most cases, it is best to establish a relationship through written correspondence before taking the step of direct communication. For more information about communicating with a recipient directly, please visit www.donoralliance.org/release.
My loved one was an organ donor many years ago, can I still contact the recipients?
We will do everything we can to connect you with your loved one’s recipient(s), no matter how long ago your loved one was a donor. It is possible that with the passage of time, recipients may have moved or lost contact with their transplant center, or they may have died in the time since the transplant, and getting a letter to them may not be possible. If we are not able to forward your letter for any reason, we will let you know.
Can I try to find my loved one’s recipients on social media or the internet?
Donation is a gift that is given and received confidentially. We strongly recommend against searching for, reaching out to, or responding to people you think may be recipients of your loved one’s gifts without first establishing a relationship through written correspondence. Mistakes have been made that lead to incorrect assumptions of identity and connections with the wrong recipients have occurred, which can be difficult and painful to work through. The only way to ensure that you are communicating with the correct recipient is to do so through Donor Alliance and the recipient’s transplant center. If you are contacted by someone claiming to be a recipient of your loved one’s gifts, please contact us so we can verify their identity and help facilitate the relationship in a manner in which everyone is comfortable.
My loved one was a cornea donor, is it possible to contact these recipients?
Yes. In Colorado and most of Wyoming, cornea recovery and correspondence with cornea recipients is facilitated by the Rocky Mountain Lions Eye Bank. This is a separate organization from Donor Alliance. For more information how to contact your loved one’s cornea recipients, please visit the Rocky Mountain Lions Eye Bank website at www.corneas.org or call 800.444.3938.
What should I do if my loved one was a donor, but the recovery took place in another state?
To find the Organ Procurement Organization (OPO) for any state, you can visit www.aopo.org/find-your-opo.